5 Lessons to My Younger Self

FastCompany recently featured an article by Jane Porter that was all about what the founder of ModCloth would tell her younger self. I got to thinking about my own history and what I would tell my younger self, if I had the chance. For now, I know of no time machines that will allow me to go back and change things. But when the time does come for the chance to go back, here are the five things that will be at the top of my list to teach myself.

1. Risk sounding stupid for clarity.

There are so many times when I kicked myself for not asking more questions - and the truth is, the primary reason I failed to ask was the fear of sounding stupid. I would tell myself to give up on trying to be "cool" and just take a chance on asking the questions I want to ask. The risk of sounding stupid is not worth dealing with a lack of clarity later on and ultimately, I'm a lot cooler if I know what the f#$k is going on rather than trying to figure it out on my own. Ask more questions.

2. Invest in sleep.

I used to think all I needed for sleep was a solid four hours and I would be fine. This was a ridiculous notion. I've actually increased my productivity and happiness with my life by giving myself a longer time to sleep at night. I'm not claiming that I get eight hours every night, but I do try to make sure I get at least six. I've found that with more rest, I am sharper and quicker on my feet in the mornings during my most productive hours...and I need less caffeine to be "on" for meetings. Now, if only Aptify had nap rooms like the Huffington Post!

3. Read every night.

And I don't mean business books. I was feeling burned out with reading only business books and focusing too much on that aspect of my life. I have to find outside sources to foster growth in my life. Reading books, especially fiction, seems to help. The books provide me with inspiration and sometimes help me to add a little variety to my vocabulary.

4. Know your why.

There were so many days that I spent not having a clear sense of why I was doing what I was doing for work. What a waste of time! I would tell my younger self to dedicate some focused thought to figuring out why I was doing what I was doing and what it meant to me and how it reflected my personal brand. There are so many questions that knowing your why can answer - like the projects to get involved in and the projects to run away from. And that is just the beginning.

5. Be your own best friend.

Talk to yourself kindly. Cut yourself some slack. What would you say to your best friend if they were having the same troubles/questions/issues? Do yourself a favor and be your own best friend. It will help you to be there for others on a more authentic level.

Extrapolation Gets You No Where

Most of my life I have tried preparing for the future the best that I could. Sitting deep in thought,  going around and around looking at all the options and all the possibilities before moving forward had a dizzying effect. I've struggled with anxiety.

And here's what that did for me:

• Nothing.

A friend of mine recently beseeched me to "stop extrapolating" so I would focus on being present and not worrying about things that haven't happened. Actually, she said this a lot and once I was finally able to stop thinking so much, an incredible thing happened...clarity! 

Not only did I feel a lot less anxious, but it was easier for me to make decisions; follow one step after another; be present.

How guilty are you of extrapolating rather than doing? What would happen if you just stopped?

Since meeting with her, I've been catching myself at various moments, getting all wrapped up in worry and then her lovely and mildly irritating admonishment comes into mind. It has actually had quite an effect on me and if she's reading this, she knows.

This year I started out with three ideas to guide me; goals to achieve: 

1. Do the work.

2. Say "yes" less.

3. Find the white space.

Extrapolation was getting in the way of "doing the work." You can't "do" when you are always and forever dwelling on one detail or planning too far ahead. 

Struggle with anxiety? Stop extrapolating and fully experience the moment. 

Associations Must Listen to Kenny Rogers

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

-"The Gambler" is the title of a song written by Don Schlitz and recorded by American country music artist Kenny Rogers.

Last night my husband made dinner. This is not a common happening in our house, so when it happens there is much rejoicing. You might wonder what that has to do with associations or Kenny Rogers, but that's for later. Right now I'm talking about chicken. 

Because that's what he made. My husband took marinated chicken breasts and baked them with some crushed garlicky tomatoes and the results were phenomenal...tender, delicious, perfect pieces of protein delivered to me on a plate with a smile. 

We watched some hockey (my concession) and I decided to make some herbal tea. I ran upstairs and when I got to the kitchen, this is what I saw...

Do all husbands do this?

For those who need help figuring out what is happening in this picture, please note the controller on the oven indicating the oven is still on...baking chicken that was taken out two hours before. 

I admit my priorities can be a bit skewed sometimes, but I would almost always rate "not burning the house down" above "delicious chicken." 

Association executives can turn up the heat on themselves and staff to get a project done or to handle a looming crisis, but forget to dial it back when the crisis has passed. The results can be burnout for all involved.

As Kenny Rogers sang,

              "the "secret to survivin' is knowing what to throw away, and knowing what to keep." 

Is your organization holding on to old anxieties? Is your department keeping the ghosts of crisis around well past their release date?

Stress at work can wreak havoc on the most gifted of teams. To manage stress at work, check out these tips or just invite your team out to happy hour, sit back, and listen to some Kenny Rogers. There will be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done...or when the check comes. Either way.



KiKi's Husband's "Have Home Insurance" Chicken Recipe

Ingredients:
1 Tbsp mystery seasoning (basically anything he thinks is exotic found in the cabinet...paprika...)
1 spray olive oil cooking spray
1 pound uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast (potentially marinated in italian dressing overnight)
1/2 tsp table salt, or to taste
1 tsp olive oil
1 1/2 cup canned crushed tomatoes with garlic (or garlic and basil) 
** sometimes 1/2 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded or parmesan...however you feel that night

Directions:
First, preheat the oven to 350ºF. Spray an 8-inch square pan with light cooking spray.


Place the chicken in the pan and dump the tomatoes over it. Then put the cheese over the chicken and tomatoes.

Bake until chicken is cooked thoroughly and the cheese begins to bubble a bit (approximately 25 minutes).


Garnish with some fresh basil or oregano leaves. Or olives. (My husband doesn't usually "garnish," but a side of olives from the supermarket olive bar usually accompanies the chicken.)

Variety is the Spice of Life (or, "Why You Should Check Out #blogchat")

Because I spend my days as a technology consultant helping association teams with their social media efforts - and my weekends and evenings as a freelance makeup artist - my online world primarily revolves around a few things: associations, social media, and makeup. So how I came to participate in an engaging, creative, and inspiring online chat on a Monday night at 9 pm ET about musical artists using social media is not a huge stretch, but still not my usual routine.

Blog Chat (#blogchat) is a regular chat happening on Sunday nights from 9-10 pm ET (although, I caught it on a rare, rescheduled Monday night because of the Super Bowl over the weekend). Mack Collier (@MackCollier on Twitter) founded the chat "to discuss blogs and best practices" and had a well-educated and spirited group of participants on the chat last night, including Chris Brogan (author of Trust Agents) and Curt Smith (founder of Tears for Fears).

To be honest, I wasn't expecting much from the chat and usually find other things to keep me occupied at 9 pm at night. However, I thought I would check it out for a bit and vary up my online activity. That decision helped me to stumble across a dynamic conversation that will have me coming back for more next Sunday at nine o'clock.

Why was this such a discovery? Because it has inspired me! Because we are creatures of habit.

I am hard pressed for time and keep myself pretty busy at all moments of the day. Did I mention I have a two-year-old? Did I mention I am studying for an important exam? Right. We're ALL busy, so it is super easy to skip what we don't know or what we are not already involved in. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't still explore occasionally. Check out a chat we don't usually participate in...listen to a podcast that is new and different...crack open a book (or Kindle) for something a little different. We should look for opportunities to get inspired!

Other things I've done that are not the norm this week:

• Played with my daughter in an enormous amount of snow
• Participated in #blogchat
• Filed my old docs that have been waiting for organization since I introduced my new filing system to my office
• I tried bacon bits in my omelette (NOT a good choice for inspiration)
• I listened to 2 BlogTalkRadio broadcasts that I've never listened to before

What do you do to "fill the well" and get inspired?

Fortune Cookie Forshadows Changes

Several weeks ago, I cracked open a fortune cookie and my fortune was this: "There is no education like adversity."

It didn't take long for me to forget about the fortune and put it to the side.

Last week I decided it was time for me to invest some effort and energy into making my home office a little more "me" and so I began rearranging and decorating, taking my husband's lighthouse collection out of the room and bringing my daughter's stained glass lamp into the room. I even purchased a fun framed bulletin board to put on the wall. As I was putting everything together, I ran across the old fortune and I pinned it to the bulletin board thinking it was true enough and a good reminder of how to look at uncomfortable situations.

Yesterday and today I had an unfortunate "educational" series of exchanges with a person whom I used to call a friend. At least part of the problem stemmed from the other person not understanding how a platform like Twitter works.

I share this with you so that you may benefit from my experience.

This is what I have learned:

1. If you are active within social media, there could be misunderstandings from people who haven't acquainted themselves with the technology yet.
2. Direct conversation is best when trying to overcome misunderstandings.
3. We are not living in an age when everyone is knowledgeable about popular modes of communication. Don't assume!
4. Ask before accusing
5. People usually strike out when they feel cornered or trapped. Look for causes beyond the immediate for an explanation of why someone is striking out at you and try to be empathetic.

I'm not sure what will happen next with this situation, but I am trying to be reasonable and calm. Are you curious about your own fate? Click on the online fortune cookie...if you dare!