What Birthdays Mean at 38-Years-Old

I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. with a surge of energy and a house full of sleeping family members. I thought about trying to go back to sleep, but after a few minutes decided the effort was futile and headed upstairs to brew some coffee and read. It is my birthday today and I am now 38-years-old.

Lately I've been investigating spirituality and trying to be open to what the universe is trying to tell me. Sometimes that means I realize great insights about myself and where I belong. Most often it finds me reaching rather than being, struggling while I would be better off letting go. There are many lessons I have yet to learn.

Family means more to me now than ever. Margaux lost another tooth this weekend and while she sleeps upstairs with her winnings tucked securely in her stuffed crocodile, my mother who is visiting from Missouri, is sleeping next to her...two of my favorite people in the world asleep in the same bed. This makes me happy.

I have no grand trip planned for my birthday. No parties. No sexy dinners scheduled with my husband. My Instagram feed shows me the possibilities. Pictures of the exotic locations my friends are visiting or extravagant food and drinks that beg to be consumed populate the app on my phone. But these quiet minutes before the entire house wakes up seem almost magical, like the world gave me extra time that no one else knows about. This is my secret bonus to use as I see fit, the luxury of time for self-reflection. This is the gift I've been waiting for without even realizing it. Thank you. Thank you.

What birthdays mean to me at 38-years-old is different than what they meant to me at 28. My desires sound so simple. But the fact that my birthday sits so close to Thanksgiving, a holiday focused on gratitude, doesn't mean that I desire nothing but altruistic dreams for a better tomorrow. No. Rather, I find myself imagining new dishes for the cupboard (all artistically complementing every dish, all matching) and for the upstairs guest bathroom to be fixed (a dismantled toilet seems to be taking forever to be repaired). With desires like these, it seems almost comical and wasteful to want a fabulous new suit or a long deep-tissue massage.

What I want to say is that I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful for this life that I have full of friends and family and bathrooms that need to be repaired. I'm grateful for my desires, whatever they might be, sexy or not. I'm happy I have all kinds of possibilities, new paths to take in the future. Happy Birthday to another year of growth and opportunity. Happy Birthday to new dreams and old. Happy Birthday to this crazy body of mine. Happy Birthday to me.

Love,

KiKi

What's Holding You Back?

If you are reading this, you are lucky.

How do I know that? You have access to a computer. You are educated enough to use it. You are literate. 

According to the demographics of my blog's readers, you are most likely employed and have a relatively comfortable income. 

But I bet you're looking for more in your life.

I'm lucky. I'm surrounded by amazing, talented people I can call friends. Individually they are each strong, inspiring, and powerful. They make me stronger by association.

I'm educated. I'm making money. I'm a wife. I'm a mom. 

I've got what a lot of people want. 

But I want more. 

I want accomplishment. I want recognition. I want to achieve greatness doing something I am passionate about. 

This week's Association Chat prompt was, "What's Holding You Back?" The discussion fired up a lot of internal questions for me and seemed to do the same for other participants. 

I asked participants to focus on their own goals and skills for the chat and to consider their desires. Moving in the direction of one's desires, intentions has been a focus for me lately and people who want to move ahead should probably make it their focus, as well. Examine that life! Challenge your comfort zone! Get real with yourself!

Please check out the entire discussion we had on Association Chat and post your comments here on what you are doing to achieve your goals in your career. Do you have tips? Have you figured out a process for creating abundance in your life that works for you? Please share! It's good karma and besides, it could bring you closer to your own goals without you knowing why or how. 

Ain't life grand?

Finally! A Year With Some Balls

{EAV:d5be4453707ce396} There are some things about 2012 I already love.

• "2012" takes fewer syllables to say than "2011"
• I've been accidentally writing "2012" for most of 2011, so I'm ready for this
• Whether it's a crock or not, the whole "end of the world" transition predictions from all kinds of prophets and calendars makes 2012 take on an air of "now or never" and I can't wait to see what that looks like for people

I have always looked forward to creating resolutions for a new year, but this year I have been hesitant. Even coming up with five words or terms for 2012 à la Shelly Alcorn's goal-setting exercise has been difficult. Partially because I'm afraid of tainting future goals with memories of past resolutions ignored and partially because I am no longer certain of what EXACTLY I want.

However, if 2012 has the balls to be the year when everything ends, what am I afraid of? Certainly not using the word "balls" in a blog post.

So here it goes...my list of three terms for 2012. Many thanks to Shelly, Lowell, and Jay who already wrote some great blog posts on their own words for 2012.

KiKi's Three Terms for 2012

1. Do the work.

I always scoffed when people said they were afraid of success. After all, who would be afraid of success? That's not only counter-productive, it's stupid. 

However, I recognized some traits in myself this past year suggesting I might be guilty of this fear. I realized I wasn't putting as much focus into my efforts - any and all of them - as I knew I should be. I rationalized. I made excuses. I played the time-management card. But the truth is this:

I was afraid if I put the effort in, I would still be disappointed or come up short.

This sounds weak, I know. Condemning words all flood my mind: egotistical, melodramatic, pathetic, sad, self-important...there are more.

But getting hung up in what it sounds like or how it might appear to others is just another place to get caught and not accomplish what needs to be done to make any initiative or project the best it can be.

Do the work. Do the work. Do.  The.  Work. 

Take the time to make each presentation the best it can be. Do the work.

Take the time to make each blog post the best it can be. Do the work.

Take the time to make each interaction, each meeting the best it can be. Do the work.

Take the time to make each report the best it can be. Do the work. 

Enough with the "multi-tasking" excuses. Enough with the "time-management" excuses. 

Screw Nike for saying it first...

Just do it. 

2. Say "Yes" less.

When I asked on Facebook and Twitter for advice on how to be better in 2012 (essentially an attempt to crowdsource my resolutions), one piece of advice rose to the top: to say yes less.

I credit Jeff Hurt, Sandra Giarde and Jeffrey Cufaude for taking the time to post to my Facebook wall with this suggestion and why it is so important for me.  In Jeffrey's words, "Remember you can't mean yes if you never say no."

This one is difficult for me as I tend to want to say "yes" all the time, but not always be able to really effectively do everything I say I will do. My career, family, friendships and health have suffered (probably more than I know) as a result of taking on too much. 

Just like marinating steak can make a huge difference on the outcome and quality of the meat once prepared, so can taking time to think about how a speaking gig, meeting, or other project will impact my life so that when I say "yes" I can really mean "yes" and do what I do with gusto.

3. Find the white space.

When I imagine a tranquil place for rest, I automatically envision an almost adobe-like...maybe grecian...domain with a very minimalist interior with white everything inside and out...open windows with white filmy curtains in the middle of  green, rolling fields...lots of space. I have imagined this place since I was in grade school and always imagined it as a healing kind of place. A place for reinvention and renewal. 

I need to find the white space in my life to survive and thrive. 

2011 brought with it many challenges, including health issues, that made me hyper-aware of a need to create breathing room in my life and establish some kind of pause practice, like meditation, in order to take better care of myself and my spirit lest I give way to the "ghost in the machine." 

My hope for all of my family, friends, and readers is that we may all accomplish great things in 2012 in a "balls out" embrace of who we are and what we wildly need to do to be our best. To avoid conflagration and instead collaboratively rise from the ashes so when we celebrate 2013, we know we fully lived 2012 without regret.

Happy New Year!

Monday Morning Wish List

1. I wish I were a female Geoff Livingston. I'm okay and all, but this guy is no bullshit, creative, funny, and smart. He is held in high regard and with good reason. (Olivier Blanchard and Anthony Bourdain run second and third in this category.)

Geoff Livingston

2. I wish I could entertain on stage like Matthew Inman or Shirin Nishat. Actually, I want to be as cool as Shirin Nishat, too.

Shirin Nishat

3. I wish I had flowers in my house like this...

4. I wish I could make it so no child was ever hurt or unloved.

5. I wish I could understand math for the fascinating language that it is.








Along with my wishes for this week, I am grateful for all I do have...my fabulous family, my firends, and a job in an industry that I love.

This week I am hoping to focus on making my clients feel exceptional and staying ahead of my schedule, rather than behind. I hope all of you have fabulous weeks...feel free to share your own wishes or goals for the week in your comments!